Listening to: counting stars by one republic
Reading: the heist
Playing: Knights Fable
Eating: i wanna try Soylent, sounds interesting
Drinking: see above
well, while at virginia my aunt refused to let me borrow her computer so heres how virginia went;
i really didnt do anything there, my cousins went to the pool everyday and even went to an amusement part of sorts, meanwhile i spent the day watchng tv shows from the 2000s like dark angel and buffy the vampire slayer(they were having an all day marathon of buffy) and i also saw several episodes of castle.
Krislund; i cried for the first time ever at a camp, thanks to a girl named katie, more of that in a couple paragraphs.
well, i was in the Survivor camp along with two of my cousins, the other was too young and was in a different group. there were 8 boys and 7 girls, the youngest were i believe lizzie and keltin at 10, the common age was 12, my two cousins, and most of the boys and girls. then at 13 were skyler(we became friends) and katie....more on katie later. then at 14-15 was myself, autumn, and noah. the two people whose company i particularly enjoyed were Autumn and Skyler, both girls.
within the first hour i had figured that autumn was a lebsbian, then the next day that possibility solidified because when mentioning her girlfriend she used only gender neutral terms, when a person does that, they have to think about it, because the first instinct is to say "he" or "she". i bring this up because no one else figured it out until the very last day, when she actually told them, and it was funny because all the guys voted on who would get the farthest with her(they voted a guy named john, who was really funny and also the one she spoke wih the most). when they said that i said "just because a girl talks to you doesnt mean you will get anywhere with her" they all got kinda down when i said that.
Skyler was pretty funny and would always say "lovely weather we are having here" in this funny accent whenever she wanted to distract us from the subject at hand. we joked around a lot, and she was the storyteller of the group, she was a really good storyteller at that. in one story she killed me off by having me fall face first into a blazing campfire.
i didnt really talk to any of the guys, except my cousin. oh my god my cousin rachel though 0.o she went to the nurse literally everyday for the most ridiculous things, and madison, a girl she befriended went quite often as well.
and finally, we have reached Katie.... our counselor lindsey is convinced(quite frankly so am i) that her parents are at fault and she very much wishes to punch them in the face(she actually knows katies parents too). Katie doesnt understand the meaning of "delayed gratification" everything has to be now now now, my aunt only saw katie during mealtimes and even she saw this. also katie has it in her mind that worms and spiders are discriminated against and moths should be wished into the afterlife but that mosquitos are bloodsucking monsters and they should all die... talk about inconsistent. anyways, she, like me, believes that no one could possibly like her, and that everything is always her fault no matter what, however unlike me, she doesnt bottle all of this inside, im not sure she knows how to keep things to her self at all. she was always very loud, partially because she felt no one was listening and partially because she lacked volume control. so while i am less obvious about my dislike for myself and my eternal guilt for things i didnt do and the such, with her, its all in your face. and the fact that she had it set in her mind that no one liked her and how obvious she made that, made it hard for us to like her, she made it difficult in her behavior towards the rest of us, she once hissed at madison when madison asked her a genuine question because she thought she was making fun of her. and she lacked self control, to the point of she has none. if she is even slightly frustrated(which in survivor camp we were a lot) she made it clear to the world and if she was even slightly upset or frustrated she would break into tears, once they took our tents and we had to sleep under tarps, she was sobbing for hours, which, because lindsey couldnt leave her held back our tarp construction by a lot, where it took the boys a couple minutes, it took us a couple hours.
every night, we had this thing called nightfest, well, one night it was raining so we had to have it in the main building(where we typically had meals) so they play songs as usual, and theres this one song about being undignified and during that song you ae supposed to act crazy and jump around, well, being me, i did not want to, despite urgings from my friends and my cousin michael, so what does katie do? she apparently thinks the soution is to grab me from behind(out of nowhere i might add) and lift me up and down, and my automatic response is to fight my way out and yell at her saying "dont do that!" then lindsey who only witnessed me yelling at katie separates us. you would think that was the end of it but no, as soon as she separates us i randomly(or so it seemed to me) started crying(well it shouldnt have been surprising, i have PTSD and anxiety) lindsey sees this and comes over, she figures it has to do with katie and asks what happened, i after explaining in a sobbing sort of way start bawling saying "i dont know why im crying" over and over again as skyler, autumn and michael circle me, it took me about 30 seconds to override the emotions causing me to unexplainably cry and attempt to shut down, unfortunately this was one of those times where the "shut down" part doesnt work so the rest of nightfest i had to fight myself tooth and nail to not cry again. katie later apologised after being thoroughly scolded by david and lindsey(the counselors for survivor camp) and that was when i explained that i have PTSD and anxiety problems, lindsey was observing the apology and she paled when i said that, then she said "oh... i wasnt aware this was something that was going on.." and i just said "yeah well now you know" its not like i put down PTSD on all my health forms, ya know? there was another incident where keltin pretended he was going to hit me with his walking stick, again out of nowhere, and once again i had to fight myself so hard not to cry for a second time that week, well, not counting the silently crying myself to sleep the night katie did that. i have rules, rule 2 is "do not feign" aka what keltin did, theres a reason its a rule.
however, the reason i was so confused as to why i was crying, was because before, i would either lock up or i would "jump" in a special way, its complicated to explain this particular "jump". never before had i cried because soemone set me off, that was a first. katie nearly unraveled a years worth of trying to not react badly like that everytime a door was closed or a sound made or so on and on, so now that metaphorical wall has been cracked before it was even fully built :/
but other than that, it was fun, minus the bible lessons anyhow. i might ven return to survivor next year as my return to krislund is a requirement anyways. my favorite part was timber the husky, hes only 6months old but he is ridiculously well trained and docile, many of the counselors can pick him up and he wont protest(hes already full sized though) hes also really cute XD and free to roam the entire campgrounds, he even visited us at our camping area once, which was in the forest not out in the open.