so remember when i was like ill totally have time to be here a little more once daily life goes back into being daily life?(not necessarily in those words) i actually have less time.
why? you ask. WELL…….. you see……. its for several reasons
A.) i can't log in from my school computer because DA is categorized as "adult art" or whatever, so i have to use my aunts computer.
B.) remember (you probably don't) how I've mentioned that since the summer after 7th grade ended(I'm in 9th now if that helps with a time frame) i had difficulties sleeping? well, as if it wasn't bad enough, my sleeping problems inexplicably went from really bad, to OMG I CAN'T EFFING STAY AWAKE FOR MORE THAN A COUPLE HRS AT A TIME.
seriously, i now have an earbud in one ear for the entire school day everyday, even during tests (no one knows though because i got this super awesome way to make it look like i'm not listening to music at all. but even with the music (which i play music that is really upbeat and fast to stay alert) i still go into that really weird state of I'm not sleeping, but I'm not awake either type thing. i call it mini-charging because once i finally manage to break out of the haze i am more alert(for a little while at least) and i can focus a little more. but it always happens around the same times everyday which i find odd but i dunno. my aunt actually had to tell the guidance counselor to tell the teachers to leave me alone about it. they used to yell at me all the time or make me the center of attention because of it. but really, try as i might i can't control it at all or even snap out of it for a certain amount of time.
i see a psycologist…….? (that person who gives you meds and all that) and he was like "i don't want to give you medicine for sleep specifically, you're too young and i would rather try other routes first" and I'm like well I've tried other routes and here i am, still falling asleep, its getting worse every day so….. and he was like "ok then lets try melatonin" and I'm like, dude, my problem isn't that i can't fall asleep, its that i can't STAY asleep during the night. and he was like "well try it anyway" did it work? no.
then i saw him a second time and he was like "ok lets try a prescription medicine that is similar to advil pm, it has all the same things that make you sleepy" so now I'm taking that, its non addictive and it doesn't take weeks of buildup like that Prozac he prescribed me 5 weeks ago. (btw prozac isn't exactly FDA approved for kids and teens and can cause serious mood swings, like if you're bi polar you can't take it because it makes it worse, my aunt says its made a difference in me thats positive, oh i agree, its doing something, but its not positive, although it has allowed me to act like I'm improving, i kinda lost that ability for awhile because being torn down by 3 people one right after the other is a little too much, even for me) ANYWAYS, it has helped a little, i can tell the difference from when i take it and when i don't take it. however its only helping me to the point of i fall asleep a little less, but i still fall asleep a lot.
so that's that. but i really am going to try to find time to be here more, i feel really bad i haven't been reading peoples journals and all that. hey is anyone else doing the christmas card project? i didn't get to do it last year, but i am this year and I'm going to try to get some friends to do it too